Bon Voyage

无声的陪伴

2008-11-28T03:06:00.002+08:00

他默不出声，一人呆坐在床上，时而不时地摸一摸脸颊，我知道那只是拭泪的假动作。

虽不语，但他脸上那无奈的神情，无声的眼泪，都在述说他的心情。

无奈于时光的匆匆，残酷的离别。无奈于时机的错失，无奈于相见恨晚。

为何那场戏要结束？

曲终人散，终究是必须接受的事实。

今夜，第一次见他难过的样子。

好想拍拍他的肩膀说：“朋友，加油吧！”

背影

2008-09-07T23:41:00.003+08:00

那天傍晚，天空下着大雨。妈妈匆忙地退车出外之后，你到外去把篱笆给关上。我从屋后走出来，看见你的背影，忽然觉得，你真的老了。

你撑着的那把伞，因大风的缘故，伞被吹得不成形。而你也顺势扭曲着身体，避开雨点的袭击。外头虽刮着大风雨，但你仍是一步一步，稳健的行走着。也许几十年来，你经历过了人生不少大风大浪，这丁点的风雨，对你来说，不足为奇吧。

记得我中三那年，我马来文的补习班在晚上八点半结束，你会在我补习班之后带我去吃宵夜。有一次，妈妈说要买米，我们就到三哩的汉利超级市场买了十公斤的米。当时由于找不到泊车的位子，我们的车子停得很远。当我们把米抬回车上的路途中，天空也是下起雨来。我就抬起米包的一端，你抬着另一端，我们跑回车上。进到车里，已是气喘呼呼，但是很开心，连当时向来严肃的你也笑呵呵。

很久以前就读过了朱志清的《背影》，但唯有今天，我才深切地体会到作者当时的心情。

这次回家，我要多花时间陪你们。

Home

2008-08-20T00:08:00.003+08:00

I've forgotten when was the last time I missed home.

But tonight....

It's 4 months away to Christmas, yet I'm listening to Christmas songs. Piano solo, Jim Brickman.

Christmas songs always bring me a feeling of home. The tenderness, the warmth, the comfortable and safe feeling when you are at home.

As the melodies of Winter Wonderland dances, beautifully pieced by Jim Brickman, my heart sank.

This year may be the last year in a few years to come when I get to celebrate Christmas with my family in Kuching.

When I was young, I always wanted the atmosphere overseas where Christmas are celebrated in winter and snow everywhere, those kinda stuff.

Now, I just wish to spend time with my family, go out for some ice kacang, or for dinner somewhere in the city of Kuching.

Perhaps they're right, you never know what you've got until you lose it.

At this time, in the middle of the night, I miss home. Badly.

Gift

2008-06-21T15:00:00.017+08:00

**Warning: this post may be offensive or a lil mushy to some. Proceed at your own risk.**

I once asked a friend about his love life.

Ken: Do u have a girl friend?

XX: Nope. Never before.

Ken: Never?

XX: Yup. NEVER. Girls can be a menace sometimes, u know. U heard of PMS? Scientifically it's the acronym for Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. I call it Poor Man Suffering. Got that?

Ken: Lol.

People say girls nowadays look for the kiasu 5'C's theory from Singapore ( I call it kiasu cos I don't have them). U know, those Condominium, Car, Credit Card, Cash & Career stuff.

And, they look for hot guys with branded wear from head to toe. Which obviously, I'm not. No Armani, no Nike, BATA is all I've got.

And some say girls just love throwing tantrum at their boyfriend as their new found hobby.

Others complained having a girl friend is like hiring an invisible security guard. 24/7 by your side. You may ask: How's that possible? Well they just have to call to check what u're doing-where're u- who're u with-any girls present, those kinda stuff. And if u missed one call, u're doomed.

Then I took a deep thought on these weird behaviors that girl friends are 'supposed' to have, I actually couldn't find any on you.

If men are from Mars, women from Venus, then where're u from?

Heaven?

All those things u wanted me to do for u which I forgotten... All those dates where I was late... All those messages which I replied only after hours...

Yet u just took it with a smile?

As Shayne Ward sings...

...'You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You’re like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me
You’re something special
I only hope that I’ll one day deserve what you’ve given me
But all I can do is try
Every day of my life

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless'...

Like the perfectly-matched key and lock.

You're the best that I can have.

Don't doubt, babe, you're the one whom I'm saying.

Yes, it's you, Sharon, the gift of my life.

.

A Thousand Miles.... Apart

2008-03-26T23:43:00.004+08:00

Perhaps next year we'll really be a thousand miles apart, as how it is in Hey There Delilah.

UK and Aussie, that's how far it is. Halfway across the globe. 9 hours time difference.

Ah! Life's full of uncertainties. Things that seem so certain may change right at the next second.

That's what we call realities in life. Oh, Kenneth, you can't always get what you want, right?!

Harsh, ain't it?

Keep fingers crossed. The decision's not made yet. We'll see how it goes.

Whatever it is, God will make a way. Have faith, and be joyous in Him.

.

散文

2008-03-18T18:23:00.008+08:00

大学学期才开始不久，大概三个礼拜吧，但是颇忙的，先是一系列的开会商讨教会团契新一年的事工、大学的学生团契活动等等。后来又为功课而忙碌，新学年了，已是大学第二年的学生，得努力了。所以迟迟未有更新部落格。难得今天放学后偷一偷闲，读了一读星云的散文，忽然好像写一些东西。

刚刚读了今天星云所刊登的一些由读者寄上的散文。我越来越喜爱这类型散文，与其他大作家作品不同的是，它多了一分“普通人”眼里所见到的朴实，简易，真情。不久前还稍有读龙应台、刘墉的书，里头蛮多人性的道理。但与这一些由“普通人”写的散文相比，显得那么的深奥、复杂。如果读书是种娱乐，那散文不是应该越简单越好吗？

散文总是能让我短暂地抛开烦恼，沉溺在文字当中。一篇篇尽是述说凡人的所思所想，记载着瞬间的感动，人性的真、善、美。当我们开始对人世间存有一些疑虑，对生活感到沉重时，读一读散文，那最初的憧憬，又回来了。散文，恰似一阵凉风，一曲美妙的音符，如此地触动心旋。

.

给你的

2008-02-14T11:41:00.004+08:00

从相识，相知到相恋，这一切是多么的美好。

六年前，我们相识。

今天，我们相恋。

愿从今以后，我们相惜。

哓婷，情人节快乐 =)

29 more days to Miri

2008-01-22T15:01:00.000+08:00

In a blink of an eye 2 months have passed. And today's 22nd January. One more month.... Oh I mean 29 more days I'll bid Kuching goodbye and board Airasia's Boeing 737 to Miri.

Flying over to Miri is like....

Urgh. *Chills running down my spine*.

Life in Miri =
1. Hectic uni life.

2. Staying in a pretty small room.

3. Horrible food from the catering auntie. It's either u get a food catering service, or you eat at Harmony on Monday, Food Raja on Tuesday, Zha Ji Fan Auntie on Wednesday, Yummy Yummy on Thursday, Chicken Rice Shop on Friday. Then repeat the cycle again on Saturday. And it goes on and on.... Until you puke and got dehydrated and die a sad life.

4. No time and proper place for badminton or tennis. We have one badminton court in uni. Yes babe you got it right, it's ONE badminton court in the entire uni! And no tennis court. When Curtin is fully developed by 2010 I would have graduated. Gggrrr.

5. Transport problem. Ooohh suddenly I love my crappy Kancil in Kuching.

Perhaps some parts I exaggerated. It's not that bad after all. Muahaha. 29 days left in Kuching. Gotta appreciate them. Hahaha :)

简单

2008-01-22T12:22:00.000+08:00

我喜欢运动过后的感觉，它带给我很简单的一种快乐。

礼拜日晚上的羽球过后，我会如常地，慢慢地驾车回家。尤其礼拜天的晚上进入十点的时候，街道上早已人烟稀少。大概是第二天要上班，所以大家都窝在家准备早点睡觉养好精神吧。

我以每小时四十公里的时速在大道上行驶，也不必担心阻碍交通。电台播放着首首最爱的英文歌曲，一边开车，一边哼着，好自在。

回到家时，沉浸在热水澡里，热水从耳边滑落，带着流水的声音，闭上眼睛，再加点想象力，简单的四面墙变成林里的溪水。全身的疲劳随着温水，缓缓地被释放。

在睡房里，懒洋洋地躺在床上，挂着耳机，听着轻松的爵士音乐，辛纳特拉的 “Fly Me to The Moon”，心灵也随着澎湃的音符扬起；轮到琼斯的 “Don't Know Why” 播放时，先前心底掀起的涟漪又平伏下来，好比搅拌后的茶叶一般，慢慢地沉淀。

运动与音乐，一动一静，一是讨伐身体上的极限，一是心灵上的探索，两者配合在一起，却是叫我那么地沉醉。

6 Most Unforgettable Moments in December

2007-12-30T19:02:00.000+08:00

1. The moment I said "Yes, I do." in front of the Pastor, witnessed by the congregation. Woooooo don't get me wrong, it's not my wedding day. It's the day that I was baptisted! 23rd December 2007 is Kenneth's birthday in Christ. Praise the Lord!

2. At the midnight of 12.12.2007, when I received the news that the result was released. It was supposed to be released on 13 December yet it came out one day earlier. The moment that I clicked "log in" after keying in my Perth ID and password. Prayed hard yet still my heart was pumping as fast as a racing horse. Praise the Lord again I passed all the units! Not with flying colurs, in fact, with fading colours. But at least I passed ES! Wooohoooo! Gotta work harder in 2008.

3. The moment that I received the small Christmas gift from Sharon after we went to the education fair. Love the little red socks and the book!

4. The moment I stepped on the stage during the Christmas celebration of church. It's my first time being the MC in church! Oh well I did not bad. Lol lol...

5. The moment when the clock striked 12, signifying the end of 2007 and beginning of 2008. Was sitting in a circle with candles surrounding us, playing some games as well as having some pillow talk with a bunch of friends, sharing the good times and bad times of the year, about personal life, etc. Love the atmosphere, the personal things of one another that we never know, the games, everything. Too bad we didn't had it a lil longer!

6. The moment that one of the hawkers shouted "Hallelujah!" as we were carolling for Christmas. We walked around places with crowds, from shoplots, hawker stalls to parks, instead of the conventional house-to-house carolling. One of the hawkers asked me if we were going to do it again the next day, I apologised and said that this was the only day that we were carolling for Christmas, but promised next year we'll definitely come again. He shouted "Hallelujah~!" upon hearing this. Wow that moment was touching. All our efforts were worth it. Claps for all carolling members!

Despite the disastrous year of 2007, December is a month worth keeping in memory. With 2008 here, let's hope the best for tomorrow! Happy new year people!

天下的妈妈都是一样的

2007-12-30T18:23:00.000+08:00

昨天，和朋友打完网球后，决定到外头吃，接着再去看戏。结果我就随着他回到家，打算冲了凉以后才出外吃。

哪知道他的妈妈早已煮了一大堆食物，等着他回家吃。在场的我也被邀一同享用晚餐。

我们吃着吃着的时候，他妈妈一路唠唠叨叨地说着，“XXX, 多吃一点，我特地留这个鸭腿给你吃啊，明天你回去新山读书就没有人煮给你吃了。”

她知道我们稍候约好了朋友一同吃饭，还不忘叮咛他儿子，“你在外面不要吃太多哈，回来再吃这些家里菜，明天你走了就没有好吃了！”

我看着听着，发现她说的话，和我妈每当在我将要回去读书时所说的，都大同小异。

“慈母手中线，游子身上衣，
临行密密缝，意恐迟迟归，
谁言寸草心，报得三春晖？”

原来天下的妈妈都是一样的。生活习惯也许不同，教育程度或许有高低，但爱子之心，却是一样地深切。

黄昏以后，天亮以前

2007-12-21T13:28:00.001+08:00

有些事情，不是不去想，就代表已经忘记；不是不回头看，就可以当没事情发生过。

最近卫视正播着一部苏玉华主演的港剧。在不久以前我就已经很喜欢苏玉华，觉得她有一种独特的气质。三十多岁了，仍相貌娟好，演技又自然，很有成熟女人的味道。更重要的是，我常常觉得她很像你。上次我常会傻乎乎地想象以后三十多岁的你，是不是也是像苏玉华这样的呢？也许我喜欢的不是苏玉华，而是因为她长得像你，可能才会爱屋及乌似的也觉得她漂亮吧。

昨天，和一位朋友到 Tun Jugah 去逛逛，经过那间首饰店时，一位员工尽然还认得出我。哈哈，还记得那时候，我在那里买了一条项链，牌子上还印有我们俩的名字和照片。结果常迟到的我还吩咐她快快地把刻印的工作赶给我，不然又要迟到了。但时过境迁，如今人事已非。

和朋友到电影院看戏，会有一种莫名的落寂感。以前我们喜欢握着彼此的手，你会连续性的按我的手四下。你说四下，代表“你爱我吗“四个字。过后我就请按两下，说着“我爱”。然后你又会多按两下，问“多少？”接着我们就两手紧握，象征着永恒，永不放开。

也不知为什么，昨天偏偏听到了很多属于我们的歌，Utada Hikaru 的 First’s Love，张震岳的思念是一种病，到 Celine Dion 的 Because You Love Me，全都钩起了的那沉寂在脑海里的回忆。

我的手机经常还是会 Message Inbox 爆满，导致别的讯息无法进入。从前你所发送给我的讯息，我都还保存着，舍不得删除。只能在爆满时，逼不得已，删除一封好让下一封可以进来。

我们第二次的分开，我已不再有如第一次时的那种伤心。有的，仅是沉默中的悲，懊悔中的痛。

我已试着不去想，因为和你的，我都记住了，只待时间去尘封。

在这黄昏以后，天亮以前的时分，我在惦记着你。

不知你也是否如此？

Musings

2007-12-18T17:32:00.000+08:00

QUT, UniSA, UTAS does not offer chemical engineering.

University of Adelaide is too good for my results in Curtin.

Living expenses in Melbourne and Sydney is far too expensive for me.

Looks like.... I'll eventually end up in Curtin.

Praise The Lord

2007-12-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

Abba Father, You never stop giving me 2nd chances. Even though I've broken Your heart, yet You never forsaken me, and I know You never will. Despite the hard moments You had given me, I know clearly that You want the best for me, for You know better than I do about what's best for me. I thank You Lord, with all my heart and soul, with all I that can sing and all I that can say, for You are worthy, my Lord. For Your love and grace, I lift Your name up high, Hallelujah, praise the Lord of Heaven and Earth!

Hallelujah!

无题

2007-12-09T17:28:00.000+08:00

“归零重来。

也许是结束，也许是开始。开始规划充实的 2008 年。

前路必有美丽风景期盼的。”

这些话，我都牢记了。

谢谢你：）

Crap of A Holiday Week

2007-12-09T16:22:00.001+08:00

Just had my lunch and kenak slaughter ('ho lang tai' in Hokkien) by the taukenio. She charged me RM9 for some pork and kacama chicken and some cabbage. Ggrrrr, geram.

I never expected this holiday would be such busy. Not really busy la, but can say full of activities lo.

This week is the first week I gave home tuition to two kids. One primary kid and one form 3 guy to be exact. One more Fifth-former coming up in January. Big challenge for me. People from all-walks-of-life come after Kenneth for tuition. Wahahaha I'm so laku. *syiok sendiri*. Actually just coincidentally that the people whom I know wants tuition for their kids, so they find me lo.

One of the kids that I'm teaching suffers from Tourette Syndrome. Meaning he will repeatingly do some actions such as blinking uncontrollably etc. He tends to blurt out obscene words too at times. Very obscene ones. But can't blame him at all, cos he totally can't control himself. Other than this syndrome, he's a hardworking and bright boy.

On a totally unrelated note, christmas carolling will be starting next week. This year we'll be going to crowded places instead of house to house. So that can reach out to more people ma. Then more people will come. Then more people will get to know about gospel. Good point too. But I still prefer carolling house to house la. Got more 'feel' ma.

By the way, I just taught the sunday school kids in Kuching starting from today. Next week still gotta teach them for holiday kids' camp for three days. The kids over here in SIB Kuching are better than the Miri ones. Or maybe cos the class that I teach here is Primary 3 so perhaps they're more obedient than the kindergarten children. Or maybe simply because today's my first day of teaching so they havent showed me their true colours yet.

But don worry if they really do, I'll redefine the meaning of 'true colours' for them. *cracks fist*

Last night I received a SMS from Australia in the middle of the night. Lol I was darn surprised to see that the message is from Chen Sin! When you come back must have a long long chat with you. MSN chat la, not face to face, who ask you stay so far in Penang. But really, so glad to hear from you again, buddy.

Oh by the way I havent met Andre this holiday. Must find you out someday man.

Just celebrated Maria's birthday last night. It was supposed to be a surprise party. But she didnt seem to be surprised le. Cos we were too obvious liao. Anyway, Happy Birthday, Wong Qin.

Then went walk walk at Friendship Park. That place become so lousy now leh. The fountain's water cincai shoot one. Then the lights mostly off, dark dark like that scary nia. Unlike last time. We stayed for around 20 minutes nia then left.

And the 3 of us almost got lost inside the lorongs of Jalan Song.

I expected the party to be longer and more exhilarating. It was a little short as everyone had to leave early. Anyway, it's still great to have everyone sitting down and chit chatting.

Not to forget the dinner with Mary's 10-year-old brother that Wednesday night. Shame to say, me Sharon Jun Fook Maria these da koko and da cheche bully him one person. But he really got a way to handle us. I couldn't remember the last time I talked to a kid this way. Lol.

“东方有多大，东风让你知。”

Hahahaha...

And oh, thanks for drama Sharon. I like the xiong zhoi sam one. Looks nice!

Till then, happy holiday, folks :)

Untitled

2007-11-30T18:02:00.003+08:00

We both love jazz and blues.

Norah Jones's Don't Know Why.

And The Carpenters.

And Hong Kong drama.

And badminton.

And share the same kind of weird melancholy in us.

Lol.

How good to have you around. :)

十二月

2007-11-30T17:02:00.001+08:00

今天是十一月的最后一天。明天就迎来今年的最后一个月了。是自我省察及计划明年的时候了。

《溏心风暴》里的大契常说，万物皆有时：哭有时，笑有时；悲伤有时，快乐有时。

哭过了就该笑，因为悲伤的日子已属过去。跌倒了就要站起来，因为唯有重新的站立，才不白费了那一次跌倒的痛。

十二月，我昂首大步向前走。走出过去的沮丧，也走向前方的阳光。

Enchanted by "Enchanted"

2007-11-27T15:58:00.001+08:00

Went to Star to catch the premiere of "Enchanted" with Eric Sharon Maria Whye Chung a couple of days ago.

Just one comment: Beautiful.

The entire story is simply beautiful. So simple, yet so beautifully written.

The movie tells about a princess, Giselle living in Andalasia who met the love of his life, Prince Edward. Nevertheless the reigning queen of Andalasia who happens to be Edward's mother, was worried that Giselle may overthrow her throne and thus, pushed Giselle into a cursed valley which ultimately brings Giselle from the cartoon world into real life in New York.

In New York Giselle met the kind hearted yet dejected Robert. Giselle eventually finds that her true love is actually Robert instead of Edward, and decided to stay with him in New York city.

At the end of the story, the villainous queen died on an attempt to kill Giselle as a result of her greed, while Giselle and Robert lives happily ever after.

I walked out of the cineplex hall, satisfied. Somehow the 9 bucks for the premiere was worth it.

As we were waiting for the lift, Maria complained that she was expecting a twist towards the end of the movie, yet there wasn't any.

Well for me, it's just beautiful the way it is.

The ending is beautiful, the singing and dancing is beautifully planned, Robert's daughter, Morgan is so chubby and cute, and most of all, Giselle portrayed by Amy Adams is a scorching hot gorgeous lady!

And I just love her thinking of how simple love can be, how powerful true-love's-kiss could be, stuff like that.

Love is actually very simple, isn't it?

**Catch "Enchanted" at your local cinemas. Rotten Tomatoes gave 93% positive. I give 100%.**

用心去体会

2007-11-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

很多时候我们会发现到人生的路上，或在每一天的生活里，有许许多多的事让我们失望，让我们感到人间不再有温情，不再美好。

今天的我，驾着车子在古晋的市区里穿梭。车驶过一件小学，一群小学生们正在为下课而雀跃的涌出学校。其中一位大约三年级的小朋友，正牵着他妈妈的手，笑脸盈盈的走出校门。

多温馨的一幕啊。

在他那稚气的脸蛋儿，我看见了生命的美好，在他母亲幸福的笑容里，我察觉了人间的温情。

晓婷爱说的一句话：

"...Sometimes it's the little things that matter most..."

我也有同感。

只要你用心去体会，最美的事，往往是生活里的看似最微不足道，最简单的每一个点滴。

照片.回忆

2007-11-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

深夜里，我正望着那熟悉的照片，熟悉的面孔。记忆仍犹新，却在每当忆起你已离我远去时，刹那间，你的脸变得很陌生，很遥远。我措手不及，心头一寒，悲伤起来。

Looking back

2007-11-16T17:35:00.001+08:00

As I look back, two years have passed since I first came to Curtin Sarawak.

It was on the 23rd February 2006 when I landed in Miri, a resort-city which I was gonna spend my next two years, studying in Curtin Australia's offshore campus. I was reluctant though, when I first made my decision to further my studies here. I'm a Kuching boy, hoping to go to bigger cities or metroplitan for studies, but eventually I ended up in a just-turn city with less than half of Kuching's population, in this place they call Miri.

Nevertheless, 2006 was one of the best years in my life.

I was 18 back then. Young and energetic. On the 13th March 2007, the results of SPM was released. I secured straight A1's in the exam. I was crowned as one of the top students. I had a result that arguably every student would envy of. Not boasting, but I have all straight A's in all 3 of my public exams since primary.

I had a beautiful resume. I was the chairpersons of clubs in secondary, and now with my result, things were almost perfect for me. The moments when I got to know the result were ecstatic, even as I reflect back now.

This wasn't the only best thing that I experienced that year.

2006 was the year that I started my first relationship. The first time that I confessed to the girl I liked, and it worked out. Being the first for both of us, it was all sweet and nice, albeit it's a long distance relationship.

I was even offered a scholarship for medicine to Czech in Europe by the government. It was like a dream for everyone to have a government scholarship for overseas studies. Owing to the fact that the course is not what I favour, I turned it down. It was a long story to tell though about this.

It was also the year that I turned into a serious christian. I dare not to say I'm a very devoted one, but my faith has given me the meaning of life in Christ.

I was on top of the world then. Those few months taste better than the sweetest chocolate on earth. I was in ecstasy. I was completely overwhelmed with joy. Those were the happiest times I experienced since a long while.

Or perhaps it weren't.

Being offered the scholarship for a course which wasn't actually my choice, I turned it down. But I was kinda frustrated though when I see some less qualified students being offered to prestigious places like France or Japan. Heck, never mind about that. I'm contented with Czech, but it wasn't my choice. I tried applying other scholarships. In which I receive no feedback from them. Be it Petronas or Sime Darby or any other. No feedback. In fact I see many more very-much-less-qualified students who got the offer. I'm not talking about racism here. Those that I know, many of them are Chinese like me too. Some even come from much well-to-do family than mine. Running family business and all that while my dad's only a government servant.

Year 2007 came, and I soon found myself deep down in the valley.

I'm only 19, supposedly still young and energetic as how I was in 18, yet I found myself so helpless in many aspects of life.

Feeling the dejection from the turn-down of scholarships, I felt that there ain't really much meaning of studying anymore. Call me kiasu, but honestly I studied hard all these while cos I was hoping for overseas scholarship that can ease my parents' burden. More people who did much poorer in studies and yet get better offers from me. So what's the point?

My academic started to slump. My average dropped from 80 above to 60. Plus, I don't enjoy the course that I'm in at all. I started to care less. And things went wrong. I wanted to gain back my performance as how I was, yet I failed to do so. I got selected for interview by Shell scholarship, and yet I was turned down, again. This time I guess it's purely because my result wasn't good enough for them.

My long distance relationship shattered, which in the end led to our separation. Just when I really did try to appreciate more and try to gain her back, she's gone. She's gone.

Heck I even failed my driving test ridiculously.

My self-esteem was at its lowest. I doubt myself. I scolded myself. I blamed myself why am I so. I wanted to change. But I just don't get the strength. I was wrong in so many things. In terms of my mentality. For my studies or for my relationship.

I'm down.

Year 2007, is the worst year in my life. At least thus far, it is.

I was wrong before. But I realise my wrongs. I was blind, but now I see.

Next year I'll be 20, another milestone of my life.

Forgetting the past, be it successes or failures, I really crave for a change in me.

I'm looking forward for your come back, Kenneth.

Hope to see you at the top again.

Crap of An Exam Week

2007-11-12T16:26:00.000+08:00

On an exam week when you don't get to sleep more than 5 hours a day, you become a desperado. Not desperate for man, nor for woman, but for your bed. I mean, what can be more comfortable than lying on the warm, cosy bed not doing anything?

And my lousy bed in Miri, which actually looks like this:

Suddenly it turned into something like this.

So tempting. So inviting. Well, I'm so desperate for a good sleep.

We fantasize when we're too desperate for something. You don't care much anymore. It's like when you're thirsty, a glass of plain water will taste like heaven for you. It's just a game in your mind that makes you fantasize.

Just like when you're desperate for a girl, you tend to mistaken this:

as our stunning Scarlett:

Or, Brad Pitt:

As our humble Kenneth:

But at least this is understandable. Cos there isn't much difference between the two. Don't you agree?

Tagged by Joyceeee

2007-10-28T16:20:00.000+08:00

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:
1. DELL laptop! coincindently same as joyce's :)
2. Muscle Power Series Badminton Racquet
3. Vacation to Zurich. Wooooohoooo!
4. New camera. I want Olympus one. Or SONY. *Please take note of that :D*
5. New NIV bible.

THE PERSON WHO TAGG-ED YOU IS joycee :)

YOUR 5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM / HER
1. Cool
2. Taekwondo martial artist. Don play play.
3. Class rep. Lolz.
4. Her hair. Got style!
5. Bold!

MOST MEMORABLE THINGS HE / SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU
She tagged me. That's so touching. Lolz.

THE MOST MEMORABLE WORDS HE / SHE SAID TO YOU
Later got class?

IF HE / SHE BECOMES YOUR LOVER, YOU WILL:
Be the coolest guy in Curtin. Hahaha...

IF HE / SHE BECOMES YOUR ENEMY, THE REASON WILL BE:
I turn gay and rampas his bf? :P

PASS THE QUIZ TO 10 PEOPLE THAT YOU WISH TO KNOW HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT YOU
1. Sharon Chai
2. Kenin Loong *mind you my upper arm is still swollen :( Lolz.
3. Esther Yong
4. Cher
5. KKT aka froggy guy
6. Prisca Tan
7. Wei Hong
8. Moriji
9. Maria Wong
10. Yuan Hui

1. WHO IS NO. 7 HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?
No one le...

2. WHO IS NO. 9 HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?
Mr. Poh *fling fling* :D

3. IF NO.9 AND NO.1 ARE TOGETHER, WILL IT BE A GOOD THING?
Nola. Impossible. Both are gals and both are straight. Haha...

4. WHAT ABOUT NO. 1 AND NO. 5?
I cant imagine. I'll pity No. 1 very much then. Lol!

5. WHAT IS NO. 3 STUDYING?
Business Accounting in Swinburne :)

6. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU CHATTED WITH NO. 6?
3 days ago gua?

7. DOES NO. 4 WORK?
No, she's in Curtin.

8. DOES NO. 8 HAS ANY COUSIN IN HIS/HER OWN SCHOOL?
Do u have, Moriji?

9. WILL YOU WOO NO. 8?
Wahaha.... She's kind, but no la...

10. HOW ABOUT NO. 5?
No thanks :)

11. DOES NO. 2 HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
Got 1 brother.

12.HOW DID YOU GET TO KNOW ABOUT NO.3 AND NO.4?
First knew No. 3 when she transferred to my school from Kuching High. No. 4, I first knew her in Harmony, if u know where it is.

13. WHERE DOES NO.1 LIVE AT?
Kuching, somewhere near Dogan.

14. HOW DID YOU GET TO KNOW NO.2?
VCF. This guy is VICE President booo. :D

15. IS NO.5 THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?
Grrrrr... why so many questions abt No. 5? Yes he IS! :P

Tired

2007-10-20T23:12:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired.

Of?

Of things that come endlessly. Of assignments that come one after another. And last but not least, tired of myself, at times.

I need a break.

Not in Miri. Neither in Kuching too.

Just somewhere else where I don get to see the everyday-things that I face here. Two or three days will do.

An escape. For my weary mind and soul.

The Great Painting of Mona Lisa

2007-10-20T05:55:00.000+08:00

The great painting of Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci, hangs in Musee du Louvre, Paris

Just read an article on Yahoo News about Mona Lisa. It says "new images has uncovered 25 secrets of Mona Lisa, including proof that Leonardo da Vinci gave her eyebrows, solving a long-held mystery."

I was like "Huh? So?" after reading this. I wonder why people would invest so much time and resources on such a painting.

Perhaps you feel like shooting me now, accusing me for having simply no taste at all in arts. But think again. Alright, so da Vinci really gave her eyebrows. So the 'mysterious smile' actually means she was pregnant, revealing a mother's glee. So the smile really signifies da Vinci's erotic attraction to his mother. Mysteries. All solved. Hooooray.

SO?

It's not like da Vinci's gonna bounce up from his coffin and say "Hey, you are so right!". And then award you a da Vinci Award for outstanding brilliance and contribution in understanding his magnum opus (Vocab of the day: It means the best, most popular or most renowned work of an artist, writer or composer).

Nop da Vinci's not gonna do that. I mean he can't do that. Sorry folks, he died centuries ago.

So what good are these facts gonna do to the society? Is it gonna feed those hunger-striken children in Africa? Or bring any scientific breakthrough to our modern world?

NO.

One of the researcher, Cotte, while giving his remarks on a zoomed-in image of Mona Lisa's left eye that reveal a single brush stroke in the eyebrow region, said this:

"I am an engineer and scientist, so for me all has to be logical. It was not logical that Mona Lisa does not have any eyebrows or eyelashes."

I was about to say "shame on you as an engineer" upon reading this. Haha. An engineer investigating whether da Vinci added eyebrows for Mona Lisa. C'mon, use your brains to do research on global warming la, hybrid cars la, or anything also can la! At least it can do some good to the society.

Better than looking and researching on a dead painting everyday.

The greatest breakthrough that you may find, well, is perhaps:

Hey! I found a mole on Mona Lisa's left cheek!

Good Stuff

2007-10-19T21:27:00.003+08:00

Take a look at this winning essay of Commonwealth Essay Competition, written by a 15-year-old.
http://docs.google.com/View?docid=ag6pnfmrwsgk_72ckb3w8

Who Am I

2007-10-13T14:31:00.000+08:00

Who am I,
that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I,
that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart.

Who Am I,
that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.

Who Am I,
that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours.

感恩

2007-10-11T19:48:00.000+08:00

在你面前，我只是一个不配的罪人，你竟顾念我。我的一切一切都是从你而来，就连我的生命我都不能自救。在你面前我有什么可夸的呢？

没有，真的，一点都没有。我只能不住的感恩。

窗里，窗外

2007-10-08T15:27:00.001+08:00

如往常的雨天一样，今天我乘科丁的巴士从校舍回家。雨后的大地，一片清澈，风景也格外优美。夕阳的残晖遇上空气中的水珠，映出七彩夺目的彩虹。

我很欣赏窗外这一幕，让我经过一天的劳碌后，心灵感觉很平静，很舒服。

欣赏着大自然的美景，忽然发现巴士窗口正中央的有一小个黑点。真扫兴。整幅景色，都被这小点给毁了。我不再往窗外望，宁愿错过这美景，也不愿意看着那碍眼的黑点。

巴士到了站。我一边往家的方向走，一边思索：为了一小点放弃一整幅美景，值得吗？为何窗外的一切景色，竟敌不过那一丁点的瑕疵？我回头看，试着寻找刚刚最美的那一幕，但我找不着。彩虹早已消失了。

我低头，心中默想：人生不也是这样吗？往往因为一丁点微不足道的瑕疵，而放弃那更多美好的。再回头时，已晚了。

珍惜吧。

E-A-T

2007-10-07T16:29:00.000+08:00

I just had chicken alfredo for lunch at Miri's I-forgot-wat's-the-name restaurant. The ambience was great, taste was fantastic...

BUT still...

I miss this bowl of kueh chap from Kuching kopitiam.

And not to forget this...

Can I have one, please? :(

何日再相逢

2007-10-06T16:24:00.000+08:00

今天是十月六号，星期六。仔细一数，我在美里的日子，就快要两年了。时间还真的没等我，自己先跑了，而且还跑得很快很快。回头一看，两年就这样过了。

两年了，我送走了两位好朋友，去外地升造。第一个就是你啦， Pang Chen Sin，这无情的家伙，一声不响就跑到 Adelaide 去。

看你几爽，和袋鼠合影。。。你也真够吝啬的咯，去那么久就寄这么一张照片回来给我们。很想念那时刚开学我们常到 Clemson 的房间聊天，一起在那食物油腻，价钱又死不贵的 hostel canteen 吃晚餐。还有你笑起来时的那两颗白兔牙，呵呵。。

第二位，是我近乎完美的朋友。。。宽中理五的 Aric 黄铭峰，又称“阿侠”，目前在 Monash KL Campus. 他真是超强的咯，什么科都可以拿到接近满分，又会弹钢琴啦，打篮球啦。。。还是跆拳道亚军捏！人很好，不骄傲，又教会了我很多东西。。

第三位， Jerome Julian，我的前 housemate 兼 coursemate 兼 classmate.

不要问为什么你这张照片拍成这个样子，因为我也不知道。明年二月你就要飞到 Perth 去了。我想我不会送你，因为我不想看着你的背影渐行渐远，接着慢慢从我眼界消失。现在你人的还没走，我就已感觉到你走以后，日子一定不同了。难得找到一位要好的朋友，这么快就要飞了。还记得上次第一次失恋，不经意间掉泪的时候，你转过身来，看见我的一举一动，亲亲地拍了一拍我的肩，对我说“Don be sad， if u have anything within, tell me whenever u feel comfortable with，ok? I'm here." 你没有追问，也没有给再多的劝告。那一拍, 那一句，那被关心的感觉，我都可以体会到，这就够了。

在 Curtin 有很多朋友 - 点头朋友，课业上的朋友，吃喝玩乐的朋友，甚至有些是就在有事情要问你的时候就忽然间会出现的朋友。。。但真正的朋友，屈指可数。好朋友一个接一个地走了，我在这里继续奋斗。何日再相逢，我不知道，就只能期待那一天的到来，祝你们安好，一切顺利吧！

幸福

2007-10-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

每次看韩剧的时候，免不了有别离。一对情侣，往往因为一些原因（比如一方快要失明了，得了癌症，或即将远去等等几乎每一部韩剧都会出现的剧情）而分开。

我不是一个超级韩剧迷，但对一些有意义的韩剧，我会真的真的很痴迷的。其中我最爱的那最经典，也最常出现的对白，是“要幸福哦！”。双方在万般无奈的情况下分开，但依然祝福对方的幸福。

只是有时候想想，这句话，真得很讽刺。在没有了你的世界里，能多幸福啊？这幸福，真的能靠自己争取的吗？当你说“要幸福”的时候，可曾想过，这幸福是想“要”，就可以得到的吗? 还是，幸福，是因为有了彼此，才能体会到的？

若让我选择如何去寻找幸福，我选后者。幸福，是当两颗心连成一线时，才感受到的。

祝福你，幸福，快乐。

麥當勞的故事

2007-09-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

这是我在朋友的部落格里看到的故事，觉得很有意思，所以 copy paste 过来给大家看看：

在我家附近，開了一家新的麥當勞。耀眼的Ｍ字招牌，馬上變成了一個顯目的指標，無論是指引車子裡的司機，還是指引肚子裡的蛔蟲。

而我，因為一直在外面求學的關係，所以始終沒有機會踏入這間距離我家僅只100公尺的世界級小，麥當勞直到那一天，我回家的那天，媽媽剛好回了澎湖，姐姐則去參加台南的朋友婚宴，平常食物香氣不斷的廚房，登時空蕩起來。偌大的家，剩下我一個。於是，我下了決心，踏入就在我家隔壁的黃色大，麥當勞。

推開門，裡頭還是那樣清潔的讓人心曠神怡，麥當勞叔叔掛著親切的笑容迎接著我。於是，我點了一號餐，非常輕鬆愉快的找了一張靠窗的座位坐下，吃著美味的漢堡，思考著麥當勞為什麼會風靡全台灣的原因。因為麥當勞行銷策略是針對「小孩」吧。再也沒有什麼偉大的願望，能比得上小孩滿足笑容的。

突然，我看到了兩個人，他們在一瞬間就吸引了我的注意力。因為他們跟這間整潔嶄新的建築物，一點都不搭配。他們是一個父親，還有一個小孩。父親身上泛黃的襯衫，東破了一個洞，西破了一個洞，沾滿了不知道是汽油還是黑油的油漬，一張臉略顯消瘦，尤其是被太陽不斷洗禮的皮膚，更顯得他飽受風霜，如果我沒猜錯，他應該是個工人吧。

而小孩跟他父親比起來，並不算太瘦，但是若是跟麥當勞裡頭，任何一個握著飛機跑來跑去的小朋友來比，他實在太黑太小了。兩個人，慢慢的走進了麥當勞，從他們遲疑的步伐和四處張望的態度，可以猜測他們應該是第一次來到這種速食店。

「我們要一份薯條，一杯可樂，還要兩個豬肉堡...」父親結結巴巴的說著，「總共150元。」店員臉上依然是麥當勞招牌微笑。

「150元？好...好...」父親低下頭，用那隻又黑又髒的手，在口袋裡不斷的掏著，叮噹叮噹，一口袋的銅板，都撒在潔白的點餐桌上。父親拿著銅板，慢慢的數著。

「10元，20元，30元，40元，50元，55元，56元....」店員倒還沈的住氣，依然微笑，等待著顧客將手上的零錢點清。可是我已經看到幾個排在他們後面的年輕人，露出了不耐煩的表情。

突然，原本都不說話的小朋友，拉著父親髒破的襯衫，嚷著，「爸爸，我要那個車車，人家要那台車車....」

「車車玩具啊？」父親瞇著眼睛看了看那台玩具，又轉頭問店員，「請問加這玩具要多少錢？」

「要50元喔。」店員聲音微微提高，不知道是提醒父親，他手上的零錢可能不夠支付，還是為了讓他知難而退。

父親沒有說話，只是露出了為難的表情。幾條皺紋被擠在他烏黑的額頭上，嘴角卻揚起了一陣苦笑。

這樣的表情，好深刻。讓我幾乎忍不住，想放下了手上的漢堡，拿出還在我口袋的五十元。可是最後，我卻沒動，因為我想知道父親的選擇。

「那.....小姐，抱歉....我不要那個漢堡了，一個漢堡就好了。」

店員遲疑了一下，很快的按下更改鍵，一個可能是父親這輩子唯一一次吃到的漢堡，變成了一個玩具汽車。也在這個時候，父親點完了錢，他收起了僅剩在桌上的兩三個零錢，一手端起那個木質的盤子。另一手則牽起了小朋友的手。慢慢的走向他們的座位，那瞬間，我看到了身為父親的驕傲。原本屈婁的身體，突然變得挺拔起來。而他的小朋友好興奮，不斷的跳著笑著，發出撲嚕撲嚕的汽車聲音，玩著他的新玩具。

我睜著眼睛，偷偷地看著他們。父親什麼都沒吃，只是掛著非常滿足的微笑，看著興奮異常的小朋友，一會玩玩具，一會抓著薯條，用各種姿勢品嚐這份得來不易的美食。我靜靜的看著，突然發現，我必須找個地方，找隻筆，或許是網路，記載下當時父親的表情。他瞇著眼睛，非常疼惜的看著他眼前的小朋友，那幾道皺紋又在他的額頭上縮緊，只是這次，他是真的笑了。不再是苦笑。而是一種非常滿足的笑容。

為什麼麥當勞能夠席捲全世界？因為父母的愛，能夠席捲全世界。我彷彿感受到了他那份滿足，低下頭，笑著把我手上的漢堡吃完。

【後段】我吃完了漢堡，終於拿出了我口袋裡的五十元，走到了櫃台。「請再給我一個漢...」我話才說到一半，卻發現...那個年輕的女店員已經從後面端出了一個剛出爐的漢堡，對我微微一笑，然後離開櫃台，走向父子坐的那張餐桌。走過我身旁的時候，她還不忘俏皮的眨了眨眼睛。「這個漢堡，已經有人訂了。」

Dilemma

2007-09-04T20:53:00.000+08:00

I'm caught in a dilemma again. And this time it's about going overseas for studies.

There has been a constant struggle within me all these while: should I be going overseas for my next few years of tertiary education. It's a constant fight between my personal dreams and my bond for my family. Having the chance to get to study in NZ or Aussie would definitely be an experience of a lifetime. It's a desire, it's a dream, a vision, a craving. And millions of thanks to my dad n mum, they have sufficient savings for my overseas education, if I want to. And being government staff, trust me, it's NOT easy at all. I'm truly grateful.

It is this bond of family that holds me from pursuing the rest of my uni life overseas. I don want to be far from u, papa mama. I hope that once in a while, when there's a holiday, I can just hop in an airasia aircraft where the fare aint any higher than RM100 and go back to Kuching, to be by your side. To climb up the stair case and clean the aircond filter layer. To remind you about how to use the internet again in case u forget since eldest sis and 2nd sis are not by by your side too. To teach u how to use those new electrical or electronic appliances that u newly bought. I want to be close to you, at this somewhere I call HOME to have a look at the both of u. Somehow I feel that u need me, and I need u as much. And I know all this would not be possible if I further my studies abroad. The most is I'll come back once a year, like everybody else. But they're different, oh yes they are. Their parents have other kids at their side. No way I'm gonna let u be all alone cos all of ur children are busy. Sisters are busy with work, we can tolerate. But since I'm still studying and not as busy, let me take their tasks. To be by ur side. To do my job as a son. To allow u to have someone to love and care for, just like before.

I have not made up my mind. Someday I will have to. I pray that God lead the way. I know You will, my Lord, my Saviour.

生气

2007-09-04T17:31:00.000+08:00

生气。

今天早上才刚知道一个我宁愿永远不知道的事。上个礼拜的 Shell Scholarship 面试，我竟然差一点就成功了。八位被选出来的候选人之中，只有两个会成功得到奖学金。在 Shell 的优先次序中，我竟然排第三位。没错，第三位。也就是说如果他们任何一位推掉，奖学金才有我的分。就差那么一点点，就到手了。但始终不是我的，再怎么强求，也没有用。

不知道这算是好消息还是坏消息。好的就是，至少知道自己当天的表现不错；坏消息呢，唉，为何每次都是那么近了，却怎么抓也抓不到。去年的 JPA 是这样，明明要工程系，却给我医科。都不知政府怎么想的。我讨工程系，学费远远少过医科，是在帮你们政府省钱咧，给我医科干嘛? 所以到现在还是呆在这个地方 -- 美里~~。我不想的，也不喜欢，很无奈。有时候想想，还真得很遗憾。如果当时真的不理什么兴趣啦，什么大学好不好啦，就直接去读的话，也许现在我已经在欧洲看下雪了。搞不好回来至少也是个医生，高人一等。哈哈。。。还可以看着新环境，新的人、事、与物。再怎么说捷克肯定会好过美里吧！想归想，若回到现实在仔细考虑一番，有时又觉得现在所选择的道路没有错。人就是这样，永远不会满足。

现在我也不清除自己的梦想。在写这一张 blog 的时候，竟然才发现自己是这么地茫然。自己的未来是怎样地，我已没有去想太多。这很不像我咧！以前我常常会想到很远以后的事情，但现在。。。也许是看见人与事的善变，看见事实的难以预料，才有这种观念。我不知道这观念是对还是错，也懒得去想了。没有太多的计划，太多的憧憬，就不会有太大的失望，甚至还可以期待一些些的惊喜。但没有长远的计划，人又会变得没有展望。面对那未能知的未来，我顿时感到好彷徨、好无助。

It's all coming back to me

2007-08-30T05:05:00.001+08:00

I wasn't sure why. Today there'd been a sudden gush of nostalgic emotions in me. Feel like searching for the sound tracks of Winter Sonata in youtube. Kinda miss that drama though.

It's funny how memories can play with our minds. Be it good or bad, I wont wanna lose them, cos they belong to ME, uniquely me. I managed to find It Chi Ma (Forget Me Not in Korean), my fav korean song so far. And yeah, it brings darn lots of memories back to me. Reminds me of how the young innocent Kenneth used to have his visions for love (mind u, guys can have visions for love too, ok.) Of how he first had a crush for the girl-next-door, his first relationship, how he ended and how he made it through the post-breakup tough times. Phewwww.... Looking back, u have gone this far, Kenneth! It's all coming back to me. All of them. Blissful ones, painful ones, yet all are precious ones.. Thanks to It Chi Ma. Quoting the carpenters, it's yesterday once more...

生命的音符 - 第一章

2007-08-30T03:08:00.000+08:00

So here I am. Blogging under blogspot, finally. Havent been a very active blogger even when I was blogging in friendster. Somehow just feel kinda lazy to write any form of essays, including blog posts. All blame goes to my engineering essays and reports, causing me to get sick of words at times. Lol lol...

I cant find any better words in my limited english vocabulary to name this blog, so chose to name it in mandarin. Thought of naming it as "Melodies Within..." but it sounds so melancholy and a lil over 'touchy'. So decided to name it in chinese instead. Muahahaha..

为何生命的音符？生命，是每样生物的根源；但音符呢？有多少人的生命里，是谱写着一颗颗美丽的音符，串联成一首华丽的旋律？我愿紧握着生命中的每一分经历，每一分缘，每一个点滴，让他们如同那音符一样，谱写成你我生命中最动听的歌曲，穿梭在你我的心间。。。