Dilemma

I'm caught in a dilemma again. And this time it's about going overseas for studies.

There has been a constant struggle within me all these while: should I be going overseas for my next few years of tertiary education. It's a constant fight between my personal dreams and my bond for my family. Having the chance to get to study in NZ or Aussie would definitely be an experience of a lifetime. It's a desire, it's a dream, a vision, a craving. And millions of thanks to my dad n mum, they have sufficient savings for my overseas education, if I want to. And being government staff, trust me, it's NOT easy at all. I'm truly grateful.

It is this bond of family that holds me from pursuing the rest of my uni life overseas. I don want to be far from u, papa mama. I hope that once in a while, when there's a holiday, I can just hop in an airasia aircraft where the fare aint any higher than RM100 and go back to Kuching, to be by your side. To climb up the stair case and clean the aircond filter layer. To remind you about how to use the internet again in case u forget since eldest sis and 2nd sis are not by by your side too. To teach u how to use those new electrical or electronic appliances that u newly bought. I want to be close to you, at this somewhere I call HOME to have a look at the both of u. Somehow I feel that u need me, and I need u as much. And I know all this would not be possible if I further my studies abroad. The most is I'll come back once a year, like everybody else. But they're different, oh yes they are. Their parents have other kids at their side. No way I'm gonna let u be all alone cos all of ur children are busy. Sisters are busy with work, we can tolerate. But since I'm still studying and not as busy, let me take their tasks. To be by ur side. To do my job as a son. To allow u to have someone to love and care for, just like before.

I have not made up my mind. Someday I will have to. I pray that God lead the way. I know You will, my Lord, my Saviour.